Your kid(s) should see that you can also be in pain, be afraid or sad.

(If you wanna read the whole story, please search for "pandoras box".)

After he had been forced out of the house, the real panik began. He threatened me to take away my daughter, threatened to destroy me - and, in the same time, told me that he loved me.
One sentence that I will always remember and that he said and wrote (in different variations) several times:
"You don't have to love me, I only want you to behave like we are together. Physically..."

Within the next 10 days, I packed the most important stuff and moved, of course with my daughter, to my grandmother.
Honestly, I was so damn stupid. Out of fear, I left almost everything behind: furniture, appliances.... I didn't get anything back later and I wasn't compansated for it either.

But more happened in that time: Police let him into the house (a huge mistake by these 2 cops!!). He used this opportunity to press me into a corner and threaten me. He also locked a door and stole documents and photos. All this, while the police was there. They did not stop him, which was a more than shocking experience; but I will write about this another time, since it needs its own blog entry!

I began to shield my daughter and me from almost anyone and anything. I kept the shutters closed throughout the whole day and locked each an every door.
When the 9. day came, my family and some wonderful friends helped me to get the stuff out of the house, into the car and to my grandmother's house.
Honestly, I feel so blessed. Without them, I would have been completely lost.

All this was really difficult for my daughter. I wished I could have spared her from this. Years later, she still had the habit of keeping her shutters closed. She had only been 1,5 years old, maybe 2 (because at my grandmother's I still kept closing shutters and doors), but she remembers. It's in her subconscience. She is now 7 and lost this habit only about half a year ago.

I am not saying that I should have stayed with her father. Hell no. He would have done caused much more and severer damage.
But I want you to understand that kids always feel what is happening. They might not be able to put it into words, but they know that something is wrong.
It took me a while to understand this. Even though we are trying to shield our kids from everything bad, they will always get in touch with it - maybe only "through" you and your body language but that's already enough. It is our responsibility then, to explain to them what's happpening. Of course, age appropriate. Our kids should see that we can also be in pain, be afraid or sad. Because they wil have to go through these feelings too. If you always try to hide it, they will only feel that something is wrong, but they won't understand why.
And they might think that it's their fault.

So, I learned to share at least a part of my feelings with my kids. And we talk; we talk a lot and sometimes, we even cry together.
But mostly, we laugh together, because in the end my daughter and I had our happy "end" (but more about that, another time).

Why do we wrap our babies in the skin of animal children??

I find it more than ironic (but in a very sad way) that people still cover their kids in lambskin.

I mean: honestly, it's not like there isn't any alternative to it.
Besides the fact that fur production harms the environment, it is simply unnecessary and just f***ing cruel.

I am sorry to ruin your day, in case you have a "nice" sleeping bag or stroller liner with lambskin in it, but let me ask you a question:
Do you think it is fair to have the child of another animal killed in order to wrap your own baby in a cosy and warm piece of skin and fur?

PLEASE, inform yourself well and buy alternatives!
Thank you.



What happened next was much worse....

...than the split-up itself. (http://writing-mombie.livejournal.com/10359.html)
You probably think: how can that be even possible? This guy hit her, scared her daughter and the police had to be called. But let me assure you: the way he was terrorizing us was on a movie-level; meaning: I would have never thought that I'd find myself in a situation like that. Pychological pressure by blackmailing, threats and much much more.

(If you wanna read the whole story, please search for "pandoras box".)

Honestly, I can't even remember what happened first: did I go inside before the police arrived? Did I call my parents first?
I really don't know. I only remember, that my mom and a friend of hers passed by and that a very good friend of mine joined us. Two cops came to our house and talked to me about everything that happened. I showed them my bruises and they filed a special report that was also somehow brought to my ex-husband (of course, he was still my husband at that time).
They explained to me that he had been banned from the house for the next 10 days and that he wasn't allowed to contact me or my daughter within that time.
As you can already imagine, of course, he didn't obey.

Anyways... My mom's friend exchanged the lock of the main door and we sat together at the table for quite a while. Everybody was shocked. I had talked to my mom and my best friend about his outbursts every here and there, but I had never gone into details. The opposite actually: I had always protected him. I can't even exactly tell you why.
Maybe because I had blamed myself or maybe because he is my daughter's physical father or simply because I had been ashamed of what he had done to me and that I let it happen... These are questions that I keep asking myself.

While we were all sitting at the table, my mom suddenly said: "Melanie, you should check the accounts." Honestly, money was my last worry in that moment. But of course, she had been right. I was not working at that time and he controlled the income. So, I checked the accounts and found them all empty. Even my daughter's saving account: EMPTY! He earned 12,000 Euro net back at the time but had to steal money from his daughter, only because he was scared that his "evil and money-grubbing" wife could get ahold of it. I am still speechless when I think about it.

The night was sleepless for me (and surely also for my parents, who were extremely worried), but at least my daughter was able to get some rest. So, I decided to read my mails, but couldn't log in anymore. I tried Facebook: same there. Reality sunk in and I understood: not only had my ex stolen my phone, he also knew my passwords. Yes, call me naive, you are definately right in doing so, but as a sign of trust I had always told him my passwords. (While he had a fingerprint controlled Apple Computer that I was not able/allowed to use.) He had changed all of them and was now able to do anything and everything in my name. I tried to change them back, tried to report him, but nothing worked.

And then he called the landline: "You stupid slut, I will destroy you!"

Bank accounts empty, no access to any privat emails anymore... You can't imagine how helpless and betrayed I felt.

The irony in the ban of veiling

We have all been hearing and reading about it in the media: burkas are seemingly not helping the integration of so called foreigners into our society.
I'd love to put at least half of the used words between quotation marks!!

Where to start?!...
1. A burka is only one type of several versions of veiling. Before talking about it, we should at least have the decency to inform ourselves about the main content of the topic.

2. Who is responsible for a successful integration? Only the so called foreigners?  Nope, it goes both ways! By undermining their believes and traditions, we are definitely not helping them to feel welcome.

3. Why are they foreigners?  Maybe we should stop feeling privileged only because we were lucky enough to be born in a country that is momentarily not in war. A country that is on the other side of the coin, meaning: selling weapons instead of having to face the consequences of exactly these in civil war. Why don't we start to realise that we are ONE WORLD?

Okay, I fully understand how scared people are. I am too, I admit it. But I am not scared of people that flee their countries or simply look different than me. I am scared of violence, terrorism of all kinds: racists, extremists....

In banning tschadors, nikabs and other types of veiling, we will only make the gap bigger. We claim to be a modern society that offers freedom and peace. And we show that on fining fees for wearing clothes that certain people have a problem with?

Sounds illogical, right?


Sorry 😯

Sorry for the silence... With all the tragic news lately, I simply couldn't focuse on writing... The way humanity behaves scares me. I want this world to be peaceful. Each day, I hope that my kids' future will be a secure and happy one.

But well,  you are right: we have to go on living our lives without fearing for it wherever we go or whatever we do.

I feel blessed because I have met so many wonderful people lately - THEY gave me hope and made me realise that there are still plenty of people out there that care.




Each morning, I am scared of checking what's trending on Twitter.
As soon as I see "pray for" my heart aches.
And this morning, it happened again: #PrayForNice

My heart goes out to the victims and their families and friends.
I can't imagine what people are going through right now.

This world is such a violent place, I fear more and more for my kids...


You think rubber duckies are cute? Let me show you something:

I made an experiment and what I found was more than gross.
You can see the video here:


The experiment in pictures:

I wanted to see how clean the water toys of my kids are. I mean, I am pretty picky about that and so I always make sure that they are empty and dry. At least, I thought that they were dry but seemingly, it wasn't enough.

Look at this cute rubber ducky:

How can this be gross and/or even unhealthy?!

Well, why don't you cut one of your kids' rubber duckies open and see for your self.... I'd love to see your results (please post here underneath or on my Twitter or FB page)!!

Here are my results:

Even worse:

This grew inside the rubber ducky altough I had always squeezed out the water and had it dry in the sun and/or on the heating:

Not so cute anymore, right?
Check out the video on:


Pray for Oakland

What's wrong with this world?!

So many shootings have happened lately, I can't handle it anymore.
I don't know, how politicians can watch this without getting the gun problem under controle. And who can still even think about voting Trump in all this chaos?! Don't you see, that he is only adding fuel to the fire?

I have 4 kids and am more than scared for them. for me, the most important part for me, as a mom, is now not to shield my kids from these news. No, I want them to know what is happening in this world and I want them to see and feel that I am upset - because they are our future, our hope and they need to know the truth.


Mein Kind Dein Kind - See me and my family on VOX (06/01/2016). ✌😉

In March, we were filmed for the reality show "Mein Kind Dein Kind" and tomorrow, they will finally show the episode on TV.
We haven't seen the result yet and are very excited and nervous about it.
If you don't have time to watch the show between 2 and 3pm (Germany), then you can stream it afterwards (link follows).

I'd love to read your opinions!
See you tomorrow 🤘

PS: Here is the short description of tomorrow's episode:


UPDATE (06/01/2016): Here we go, check ou the preview:


Watch the FULL episode here: